Dear God

Dear God,

The only thing I ask of you is to hold their hands when I'm not around. When I'm much too far away.

Cause I'm lonely, and I'm tired. I'm missing them very dearly.

Amen.

Perhaps, today is one of those days again. 

Dear God by Avenged Sevenfold

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line

Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find

While I recall all the words you spoke to me

Can't help but wish that I was there

Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you

Is to hold her when I'm not around

When I'm much too far away

We all need that person who can be true to you

But I left her when I found her

And now I wish I'd stayed

'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired

I'm missing you again, oh no...

Once again

There's nothing here for me, on this barren road

There's no one here while the city sleeps

And all the shops are closed

Can't help but think of the times I've had with you

Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you

Is to hold her when I'm not around

When I'm much too far away

We all need that person who can be true to you

I left her when I found her

And now I wish I'd stayed

'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired

I'm missing you again, oh no...

Once again

Some search, never finding a way

Before long, they waste away

I found you, something told me to stay

I gave in, to selfish ways

And how I miss someone to hold

When hope begins to fade...

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line

Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you

Is to hold her when I'm not around

When I'm much too far away

We all need the person who can be true to you

I left her when I found her

And now I wish I'd stayed

'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired

I'm missing you again, oh no...

Once again 

Getting might be easy, maintaining is another thing

Happy Ending by Mika

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love [repeat]

I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.

The fight

These couple of days were the downer.
It has come to my sense that I start to question myself: why and how this situation has arrived?

Overwhelming was not chosen by my dictionary, I am telling myself that I am lacking and in need of intense learning more and quick. But things just keep coming and the surrounding just keep growing while I am sitting in one place and concentrate to archive one thing at a time. I felt rather slow and upsetting.

Perhaps, I'm not ready for this. Perhaps, I am just not it. Perhaps, it's gonna take a great challenge to prove that I'm worthy.
I'm going to choose that it is a great challenge and I shall and worth fighting for. Let's pray that I will last the fight.

I am blessed and loved because thy loved

First thing first, this is a belated post. I drafted this last month and completely left it out.

This year is different.

I didn't arrange my own birthday dinners or parties to match with different groups of friends or choice of food and/or location. I just didn't. I just played by ears.

To my surprise, it was a remarkably, in particular, good day. 

Dinner after dinner, cake after cake, gift after gift, drink after drink all weekend.

And those weren't the best part; the best part is when you realized that you are remembered. You are remembered and cared and loved. Someone who cares enough to wish you, cares enough to catch up for a quick coffee or dinner. Cares enough remember what you prefer and like.

That is probably I could ask for, I am so blessed to wake to this great day and continue to be awesome as what God has planned for me.

I couldn't thank you all enough, but I know you know that I love you guys! 

A really early gift from my Krazy princess

A thoughtful gift from Stranger

My favorite (color) necklaces from Reuben and Prav

Another thoughtful gift from Reza and Cheryl

Another favorite gift from Clement and Fezzen

Favorite gift to match the cocktails gift from Ivan and Denise

The you-know-what-I-want-Bitch! gift from the Matabane (answer: it's the summer chair)

Cute gift from Kak Ju

Cake!

Home baked favorite cake (Red Velvet) coats with favor color icing

More delicious cake

The gifts to myself was a sweet sense from Prada

And a pampered get away holiday at Langkawi

p.s. the girl in the picture was not me, I was the one who took the picture. 

Ben Harper - Another Lonely Day

The pathway

Remembering how calm my parent were during the bad times we went through and never to let us know and feel disturb or scare. I wonder if I could be like them one day.
From actions, they tough us to be ourselves, to be brave, to embrace the little things that we were given and earn. To understand one whom is going through stages that might not fall in our radar.

Couple of times, I gave up. I gave away the path I was hesitate to choose. I was undecided till time decide them for me. And I'm regret, yes, I still am.
Questioning myself why I gave up certain opportunities before that were given to set up a new stage of life. Is there something that I'm waiting for? Is there anything else beside this?
I'm anxious to know and hope that there will be more.

For the one whom had asked me for opportunity and I gave you up, thank you and I'm sorry for gave you up.
To you, whom I still believe in, thank you for asking before. Now might not be the perfect path, but I'm glad we meet again.

I am learning to accept those decisions and results, it's not easy. For any of you whom find it hard to do so, I hear you. Let's move on and stay positive for a better path that we are moving to, for another opportunity that is always around us. Don't occupied yourself with things that you cannot change, accept and learn them. Keep searching, keep seeking, keep living.

With the recent travelings and events, I learned to love myself a little bit more. That I was given opportunity to explore life, to learn, to taste and most of all value and remember what happiness is.

Another small step of getting to know where I wanna be. A small step but a step.

Odd hour phone call

Mother called this very morning at 5.31am. I hesitated to pick up while my heart was racing and wondering what could it be at this odd hour.

She asked if I'm ok, she had a bad dream and she misses me very dearly.
My tears started to roll down on the cheeks with heavy heart and indescribable feeling.

It was a quick phone call, and she just wished to know if I'm safe and sound.

I was and I am very selfish, I left the two old folks at home and gone out for adventures.
How can I not think of them feeling? Of course I have, I just never thought it would be this hard. And it even more harder seeing them grow older without my sight.
The benefit of having them being physically comfort and emotionally comfort is the weight that cannot be traded.
Don't take this the wrong way, it was never be a burden. This has always been the great opportunity for me to fulfill and make them happy in any way.

Mother and Father, I am sorry for not being as close as possible.
I could but I was neglected the opportunities of doing so.
I cross my heart and promise to balance the weight, not because I have to, because I wanted to and because I love you.

2011

And that was the end of 2011, painfully fast.
So many up and down sides stories along the road.

The promotion was the start but the great responsibilities are the ones to look up for with high expectation, that was not easy.
Along the lines there are life lessons and pride to be proud of.
Put more efforts to understand different companions.
And it ends with the take away of my hardworking efforts and companions. I am still stun, speechless, angry, and unfocused, but life goes on and have gotta be more careful.

Year after year, I've learned a little more than another.
I would not be able to list what I have learned but I am sure I have another year of life experience.

May 2012 brings us all joy, faith, hope, love, and happiness in every little way.

p.s. remember to let go of the past because we are now living in the great present.

let there be force, let there be grace

I have received the rather demotivated news recently.
How do I feel? Greatly demotivated, unsatisfactory and unfairly treated...and why is this keep happening?

And all I think was don't tell me I can turn to God, because he certainty can't do anything now.

A good friend of mine reminds me...

Him, the almighty..
if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it
TRUST IN HIM

Sometimes God put us in a situation so He can mold us to be what He wants us to be
We just have to submit to Him and go through the molding process..
it's always His time, not ours, His way, not ours... remember this.
When the time is right, you will one day realized why He put you through such pain

I understand she was trying to calm me down and to think clearly by looking through what God have in me and keep me in a little faith.
Psychologically, I don't really know how much longer I can take this pain. I try my very best to go through it but at a split second, I realize I am just a normal human being who need a shoulder to cry on, a heart to talk to and a fair deal of life.

Keep those little prayers on for me, would you?

I feel very imbalance lately. I'm running out of time. I'm always rushing. I always have too much to do. I always over thinking. I'm tired. Every little thing seems very irritated. I can't decide to let go and hold on to thing. I'm paranoid. I feel paranoid. I'm lost. Responsible, Responsible, Responsible. I don't need a break, I just need a little peace of mind.

a confession of a failure

Struggling with no momentum had never been very helpful. I tried to stay in but yet I'm out of focus. Have I got no discipline and commitment? If you do not know the answer, I'm telling you it's a NO, else I would have been done it with pride.

Being the first to quit, bringing me a shame and guilt to live in. I always tell myself that "I don't quit, We don't quit" And here I am, writing a confession of the guiltiness that I have quit before I'm done my time. It's a very own failure experience I have done in times and life. I have not learn much about myself, living and times.

Apologies will never enough to redeem and exempt myself, I could only blame from what I have done for all these years. I let myself down, I did not follow my own goal and ideal. I the only one to blame.

I am sorry.

note for the notice

Dear You,
It was not the best thing but if you've never left me I would never know what I'm capable of and who have I met today.
Thank you for leaving me.
I hope you've found what you're seeking for.

To the best,
Little Elephant

I'm doing my parts, are you?

Do you regularly complain about your life? Your job? Your school? Not enough time to play? Not enough gadgets to play? Not up-to-date to the today fashion?

You shouldn't.

Reports as at 2009, 2.5 billion people still lack access to improved sanitation facilities. 1 billion children are deprived of one or more services essential to survival and development. 101 million children are not attending or not able to attend primary schools. 150 million children 5–14 years old are engaged in child labour. And many more to come.




We should be grateful for what we have and what we are given. Should be more careful, appreciate and thankful for today that we are still breathing with proper clothing, vehicle to drive, job to keep us survive, family to share joy and tears with.
Because some people, at the same or different time zone, have nothing to be thankful for beside a slow death breath that one night they would wish not to be awake in the next morning.


Speaking of which, about two months ago I had become A friend of Unicef by pledging monthly donation to Unicef based in Malaysia to help children education and living and etc.
I always want to be part of charity or any supports to any organizations to help out the weak and the poor regardless any nations.

Without hesitation when the volunteer of Unicef approached if I have five minutes for him to explain how this work, I sat down and ready to be part of the committee.

And yesterday, I have done the same for WWF and yes I pledge monthly donation to WWF Malaysia to help out and no I do not have too much money and did not know what to do with it. This is what I think the least I could do to help.

Understanding that being part of the committee it would be wonderful if I could be there and spending time as well as help out the campaigns but selfish me have no time for this. So I do what I can. I donate what I can. I help what I can.
Even though I have no time to actually volunteer and give my sincere support by going through what the others have been through but this what I could do for the moment.

I hope you, my wonderful friends, will join me in whatever way you could to help out the poor and others that facing difficult life and living (please log in to Unicef and/or WWF for details on how you could do to help).

You can also do your part at your own home (the other least you could do).
Appreciate your life, every little things you have and surround you.
Off the light, computers and other electronics if you don't need it.
Off the water if you don't use it (no, you will only need the water after you're done brush your teeth).
Use toilet/facial tissue papers wisely (don't laugh~ because I know some of you actually pull as much as you can for toilet or facial tissue papers to wipe every little things).
Off your vehicle's engine if you don't drive.
Well, if I have miss out anything.. please feel free to update me *smiles*

I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
A promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie


p.s. taken from Carrie Underwood - I can't live a lie

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now...

p.s. taken from Lady Antebellum - Need you now

Till page 66, I read. Positive quotes, I read. I felt bothered, I am moody. I keep reading the positive words and thinking about them. I keep reminding myself I don't want to be the bad guy that I told myself this morning when I got up.

Have you ever once got tired of things and really tired that you will not care anymore and you just want to drop it and let bad things happen and you will be the bad guy? I do. This morning was one of the day that I told myself I want to be the bad guy. I am angry with things that happen ain't the way I want it to be. I am angry with things why I should be bother to care if no one would care about me? I am angry.

I took one step back and think.
That's not who I want to be, the bad guy, not even a day.
I've been wishing for the star from the above and outreach my hands.
And I got disappointed when I was not granted one.
I have to live with my fear and the reality that things will not be the same way as I want it to be.

my plate is full...T________T

hectic

This week is superb busy T_T
I tell you it's insanely hectic.
And I'm still burst out pretty fast for tight situation.
I know it ain't a good thing but I'm trying to minimize it.
T______________________T
*breathe*breathe*
I need to know how to remember to count to 10 before I solve the case else I will start killing people.

A passed by stranger

A related topic to discuss.
A pleasant conversation.
A relation is made.
A good friend.
A first person to share the joy and tears.
A next step had taken.
A concern to settle.
A decision to make.
A little time to get over with.
A piece of thy heart is missed.
A lifeless spirit.
A little longer time to deal with.
A good bye.