Friday, 11th April, 2008

They said when we haven't lost whatever we have, we will never appreciate it. Now I am regret for taking things for granted. May be all these while I have never once be a good girlfriend.

I guess he know how much I love him and I guess he just cannot keep going like that anymore. Broke my heart today is always better than 3 or 5 years after today. It's never been good being heart broken. Every single thing I saw, it brings the memory of him to me.

Now I have to wake up every morning and tell myself that I am all by myself from now onward. Every Saturday I have to remind myself that no one pick me up around 2pm anymore. No more Saturday movie. No more movies/shows on Sunday night. No more taking turn for cooking. No one I want to bake cake for. Every road we took, every where we went...everything.

He offered me his shoulder to cry on after he said "we still can be friend." I felt so numb, I can't even unlock the door.

For the last time I hugged him for 5 sec, in my mind I wanted to stop the time and let us be us forever nothing can interrupt us.

I might have nothing to lose because I still have my own life to live on. But he forgot one thing, I've committed to this relationship. I have shared it same space with my heart and soul. Losing him is just like losing part of myself.

Now what should I do? Keeping myself busy? Like how?

I miss him every single day, I just didn't say. It make me and him feel bad. Because we don't have so much time for each other. Now, even I wanted to tell him how much I miss him, it's already no chance.

I know it will never work if one of us doesn't want to continue, all I can do is watching him walk away from my life. I should have tell him I wanted to go Singapore with him. I should have tell him I don't like my job and go wherever he might go. I should have. Now what? he wanted me to stay happy in where I am, stay comfortable with the job I like...without him. These are all just my mistakes.

Please tell me what to do? Please tell me how to live this broken life...