It's scary and depressed, and desperate knowing what lie ahead waiting for oneself in the future. You've seen it or predict it, you'd be able to change it but what if you did not want to change? And yet, it's torturing to live with it.
There is no what if in this case, I just did not want to change anything yet. I do not know why do I want to preserve this memory and the past to live with me in the future, but somehow, that is so far the most comforting to have at the moment.
Would you cry over the lost of something you've never had?